DEALING WITH THE PAST . . . The trip from Ba Ria to Long Tan turned out to be an adventure in itself. Our driver couldn't remember the way. Eventually after two visits to the local Communist Police Station we were pointed in the right direction (the irony of the trip was that we led the way after we got our bearings - amazing the things that stick and suddenly get recalled after 28 years). We paid $US20 for a guide at the 1st Police Station whose turn it was to get his daily pay packet, only to find he didn't know the way either. He took us to a 2nd Police station at Long Tan where it cost another $US20 to borrow a replica plaque for the Long Tan Memorial Cross in honour of the Battle of Long Tan. We demanded a receipt from both stations which really threw them into state of confusion. If you are going to pay a bribe, at least get an official receipt. So here we were with a guide who needed guiding, a replicated plaque which had now cost $US40 to get. I was angry that the plaque had been treated in the way it was by the Vietnamese authorities, even though it was a replica. Eventually we got onto the back road into the rubber plantation and had to walk in about 1km because the driver didn't want to risk the bus on a bit of wet mud. Never an APC around when you want one or a Land Rover with the big "Red Rat." The memorial site has been cleared pretty well and is now a corn and crop plantation as well as sparse rubber. As Allan and I took time to remember those who gave their life for their country, I broke down and wept openly. It was a solemn time and I had great difficulty in keeping any sort of composure. Names of friends who I had served with and were killed in action flooded my very being. Suddenly there was intense pain and deep grief flowing all at the same time. Was I losing it? Yes, I thought. I shouldn't be here, but I knew I had to confront my deepest fear. I relived the moment I was wounded out the back of the old cemetery at Dat Do at the foot of the Long Hai Hills. The sounds were there, the voices, the pictures. I need to get out of here. …more…